Window To the Past
by AlternateShadesofBlue
Summary: Jo is troubled with past memories of the loss of her mom and the aftermath. Set after 4X09.
1. Chapter 1

Zane did his best to appear completely immersed in the coding he was supposed to be working on for Allison. He originally was absorbed in the job, trying his best to hurry up and finish the monotonous task so he could get back to more challenging projects in his lab. Until he heard Allison talking on her PDA to Sheriff Carter and mentioned it was about Jo. Suddenly his focus was off and all he could think about was her troubling expression when he had passed her earlier that day. He didn't think she had seen him, in fact, lately it didn't look like she ever saw him. She would float down the halls on almost autopilot. Their previous repartee a forgotten memory.

When Carter entered the infirmary, Zane noticed he immediately crossed over to Allison. Watching with peripheral vision to the side of the screen where they stood, he strained to hear as she pulled the sheriff aside to just where Zane could just make out the gist of their conversation.

"You said this had something to do with Jo?" The sheriff asked.

"Well, I'm not sure yet but I think it could." She sighed. "Apparently Jo was talking with one of my interns about her insomnia and heard about this study we were doing involving adjuvants and psychoactives." His eyebrows raised and he waited for a clearer explanation. "Adjuvants are a way to activate medications more quickly so that you can use smaller doses and psychoactives are used in this case to promote sleep." She paused and Carter nodded. "Anyway Jo signed up for the study and now I'm getting a lot of complaints of unexpected side-effects."

"What type of side effects?" His eyes narrowed as his hands raised to rest on his hips. "Is it serious?" He asked with what sounded like a protective tone.

"No, I mean I hope it's not. The group was split in half, people receiving the dose and others receiving a placebo version that uses a technique called potentization. I've had at least 35% of the group complain of depression and disturbing flashbacks recurring of memories. I've just noticed that Jo seems even more withdrawn recently. This is just so strange because neither treatment should be producing reactions like this." She trailed off as if in thought.

"Did Jo receive the same type of dose as the people complaining?" Carter pressed.

Allison sighed. "Well, that's just it, I don't know which group she belongs to. It's a blind study." She paused and Zane wondered if she might be overreacting but was worried because this was Eureka, and any kind of science there could be dangerous. "I just think we need to find out if she's having the same problems in case this gets any worse."

Carter looked uneasy, Zane noticed. "Okay, well we need to find Jo and get her down her and make sure she's not affected." He pulled his PDA from his pocket.

Allison placed her hand on Carter's arm and he paused. "Jack, I've already tried calling her. She told Fargo this morning she needed the rest of the day off for personal time. I haven't been able to reach her so she must be outside Eureka."

He sighed. "We need to figure out where she could be."

Zane's mind raced, trying to think of any places Jo liked to go. She was pretty secretive when she went out on her own but he remembered something from long ago...

Zane approached them."I think I might know where she is. I can go and find her."

"Great, eavesdropping. How would you know where she is?" Carter eyed him suspiciously. Zane smirked seeing the wheels turn in the wheels turn in the Sheriff's head and he was sure he was weighing any changes in their relationship.

Zane laughed. "Lets just say it pays to know where the enforcer likes to hangout."

Zane could see Carter was considering giving him a chance. He studied him silently and Zane knew his options were limited with Andy down from the previous recent disaster with some stolen chemicals that caused an explosion in Lab E.

He took a quite glance at Allison and she shrugged, as if stumped for another option.

Zane grew annoyed, "Look, I just overheard that Jo can be in danger. I saw her leave earlier today and she looked really upset. I've been worried about her all day and I want to help. I'm not up to anything, I swear. I just want to find her."

Carter answered with a single nod. "Fine, just do what you can to get her back to GD as quickly as possible. You might have to convince her, knowing Jo."

"I'll get her here, trust me." He said with confidence as he turned to leave the room with his signature gait and then stopped to add over his shoulder, "Even if it means I irritate her to the point of running away from me."

Carter shook his head in amusement and Allison rolled her eyes and Zane rushed away, hoping his suspicions were right and she was exactly where he thought she might be. And that Allison's fears were wrong and she was okay.

* * *

Jo had parked her car just outside of town and hiked to her usual favorite spot, a clearing in the deep Oregon forest. It was peaceful and misty. The perfect place to ponder one's loneliness and life's adversities. She certainly felt like life had graced her with plenty of those. She wondered how many mournful events one could suffer before they got to the point where they lost all hope. Before that idyllic life that most people dream about has vanished and despondency has filled it's place. That was the question she had been pondering since Founder's Day. For the second time in her life, she could feel a cold, hard wall threatening to take over her heart. In the previous timeline, the _one-that-shall-not-be-named, _had begun to break those barriers down, brick by brick until there was a nice little pathway where their love had almost completely proliferated and taken residence.

When she returned home this evening he wouldn't be there, couldn't be there without putting all there lives in danger. His memories were no longer hers and hers no longer his. He had made an effort to change that but she couldn't let him back in again. Too much had happened between them, negative in this timeline and positive in the previous one. It felt unbearable to overcome- letting hope get in the way of defending herself from the hurt.

Despite the introspective she was going through, she felt she was coping with the change much better. She no longer lingered in the halls outside whatever lab he was working in. She had been doing a great job at avoiding him during runs to Cafe Diem and the gym. Her thoughts were starting to be more manageable as she filled her schedule with work, target practice, working out and her favorite reality shows. Protective walls were being built back up again and eventually the gaping hole which had been inhabited by _him, _would be protected.

She had expected that with all the practice she had gained over the years, hardening her insides to seal out the hurt, would have been even easier this time. Though in some ways that held some truth, she didn't in any way anticipate what rebuilding all those defenses would bring with it. Memories. Old, painful memories that had been buried for many years. Of her mother and the details of her loss from the painful, sudden tragedy. She was drowning in them and how her entire existence- the woman she had become had forever shifted.

_It had been shortly after Jo's 11th birthday, the spring of her fifth grade year. She had woke with confusion on a Monday morning with sunlight flooding the room, which immediately alerted her to the fact her alarm hadn't beeped on time. Glancing up, it was 7:45- 40 minutes after she knew she had set it for. Her mother must have shut it off, but why?_

_A clammering, most likely from her mother could be heard from the kitchen. She remained immobile, scared to leave the comfort of her bed, to face what she was sure was a crisis in order for her parents to let her stay home from school. Did Mom and Dad have a huge fight? Did something bad happen to Dad or another relative? As swirling negative scenarios filled her head her only younger sibling, Christopher, lay snoring in his bed on the other side of the room they were forced to share._

_After what felt like an eternity of laying silently, dreading what terrible news was to come, her door slowly opened. To her surprise it was her father, not her mom. This threw her, her mom was always the one to help her get ready and her dad should have already arrived at the base near dawn. As soon as she witnessed his posture and face she knew something was seriously wrong. He made his way to her bed and slumped down beside her, never making eye contact. Jo started to wonder if she even wanted to hear what he had to say. Her mom should be the one to tell her bad news. If she was going to cry she didn't want him to be the one to see her broken._

_He continued to look forward and said with more emotion than she'd ever heard Lt. Robert Lupo release, "Josefina, last night after you and your brothers were asleep, your mother left for the market."_

_Jo felt her insides tightening, like her body had already known where it was going._

"_On the way back home.." he stopped, choking on what sounded uncharacteristically like a sob. He turned his head for the first time looking at her. "She was killed in a car accident Jo." His last words trailed as he broke into sobs, his face contorted in a terrifying anguish. He had leaned into her as she in turn buried her head in his chest. They had held each other, sobbing._

_This can't be right, Jo reasoned. Mom had just been here, how could she be gone? Her dad had been the one with the dangerous military job, her mom was the one home, always there for her children whenever they needed her. She was always there to greet her dad and make his favorite dinner. Who was going to take care of them all?_

_Her two older brothers were in her room at that point and Christopher was awake and they joined her and their dad on her bed. They were all visibly upset, Christopher confused and Jo came to the realization at that moment that she needed to be the strong one. She swallowed back the large lump in her throat and explained to her younger sibling what was happened. With all the courage she could muster she told her dad that everything would be okay, that they'd find a way to get through it. As strong as she's sounded and made herself feel, tears continued to stream down her face and soak her nightgown. She forced a barrier up to block out the sorrow and to find a way to cope._

Her mother had always called her an old soul. She transcended in the emotional department like none of her peers had. It had meant her friendships were few but meaningful. Another by-product of that, much to both her parents chagrin was that it manifested itself in anger at times as well. Jo and her mother were terribly close, sometimes more like sisters since her mother was surrounded by three sons. She took Jo to dance, to shop and to visit friends. Mrs. Lorraine Lupo loved having a daughter but despite their great relationship they butted heads frequently. Jo would never forget that some of their last words shared had been an argument. Luckily, she still had the memory of her mother tucking her in the night before, smoothing her hair as she kissed her cheek. They exchanged I love yous as her mother turned out the light.

* * *

I think I have a pretty good idea where this is going. I'll admit the science side of things is where I struggle but I'm trying my best to have it make sense. This isn't beta'd but if anyone has any interest I would love to have one.

I borrowed a little bit of this from another fanfic I wrote around 5 or 6 years ago so if anyone recognizes part of it that's why. I changed it up quite a bit but it's similar so I wanted to point that out.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated. I don't own Eureka or any of the characters and this is all for my amusement and hopefully for the reader's as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting cross-legged on her blanket, the ground and air grew cold. Jo zipped her coat and activated the build-in warming function that came in handy on cool Fall days like today. Close to instant warmth. She sat there thinking about how nice it would be to spend a week out here. She wished it wasn't so late in the year and the nights didn't drop in temperature so much. Decompressing felt like the perfect solution to her problems at the moment.

She finished off her lunch from Cafe Diem- a club sandwich with a side of vegetable soup and some hot tea. As she stared far in the distance she saw a family of deer exit from the trees. So peaceful and happy, she thought. And yet, they had no idea what dangers the future had in store for them. How that moment could be so fleeting. Her family had been the same, oblivious that their simple life could change in an instant.

_After the funeral, Jo thought that they would all just learn to cope with their lives as best they could and it would become this distant tragedy. Unfortunately, it wasn't the end of the changes they were all going to experience._

_Shortly afterward, her father announced that they were going to be moving on base and changing schools again. This wasn't that unusual for a family in the military but Jo had so few friends already and the idea of starting new at that moment terrified her. Would she have to relive the details of her mom's death to strangers over and over again? It wasn't like she could completely avoid the subject, the military had many mother/daughter activities to attend. How would she explain why she would always be absent from them, she wondered. She did have a knack at getting along with the boys. Even with them though, she wouldn't be able to permanently avoid the subject. And then there would be teachers...She resigned that she would have to toughen up and when it did get brought up she would rattle off the facts, disconnectedly. _

_Actually, over time she began to get rather good at matter-of-factly telling others about the details of her mother's death. Many commented how well she was doing because she could talk about it without getting emotional. She was so strong they would say, which would cause them not the ask the uncomfortable questions they and she would rather avoid. The only time she allowed it to get to her was when she arrived home. She would lock herself in the shower, and let the sound of the spray pounding on the porcelain rinse away more tears than she cared to admit were flowing._

_Her relationship with her father began to suffer as well. She had always been rather close with her him. She was her daddy's girl and she even showed interest in fishing and hunting with him and her brothers. When they moved, he no longer included her in their activities as much as he had in the past. Jo suspected that this was because she looked so much like her mother and he didn't want to face her. The weekends became lonely as she would be left at home while a neighbor would keep an eye on her. She fought depression and negative thoughts as best she could but her sense of worth became tested. She started to feel like she was no longer good for anyone and her dad couldn't find anything that made him love her anymore. It was at that time that she realized in order to fit in with the boys she'd have to leave behind all the girly things she had shared with her mother. She would get just as good as her brothers at the things her father enjoyed. She made it her mission to get better at fishing, running, shooting, and wrestling, just to gain her father's attention._

_He began to include her more frequently from that point. Even so, Jo still felt he was keeping her at a distance. She did everything she could to help around the house, feeling like if she was useful in that way he would notice. She wanted him to see her again, to value their relationship that she had loved so much. Robert Lupo was a no-nonsense sort of man but he had also been kind and loving. So much of what made her dad what she knew had abruptly changed to the point that in a way both her parents had died because of the accident. He was just going through the motions of life, a shadow of what he once was._

_Throughout Jo's teenage years the loneliness continued. With the exception of her brothers and a few friends she managed to get close to, she spend a lot of time being by herself. It was a few years after her mothers death that she decided she was going to enter the military just like her brothers and father. She would involve herself in whatever programs she could to better prepare herself and give herself the best leg up. If there was something she could think of to do to earn her father's love and respect- it was to serve their country._

_Once in, her dad finally started getting involved in her life again. He was very proud of her and would brag to all his friends how kick-ass his daughter was and how many records she broke in training and afterward. When she obtained the honor of becoming a U.S. Army Ranger, she actually thought she might have seen happy tears in his eyes. She had made it her mission to impress him and gain his admiration and respect again; and she had succeeded. In a way it was the happiest she had felt since she was a little girl. And yet, a part of herself still seemed like it was missing._

_When she was first offered the job in Eureka, her father didn't approve. He couldn't understand why she would want to settle in a small town with no one she knew as a mere deputy. She couldn't explain the specifics but after a visit to the town she wanted the position badly. She felt like she had room to be promoted with the current sheriff getting up there in age and the idea of one world-ending adventure after another, having that constant thrill of adrenalin pumping through her veins, it was more than she could ask for. Not to mention she would have an unlimited supply of the worlds most advanced weapons at her disposal. _

_She felt welcomed in the small town immediately and could imagine building a life there. It felt like her dream come true. For the first time she could remember she decided to do what she wanted and not let her father's influence play a roll in her decision. Unfortunately he wasn't at all supportive. She'd never forget when she went to tell him she was going to live in Eureka._

_It had been a Saturday and she made the 2 hour drive to his house. He was busy watching football with two of her brothers. He didn't bring up the subject and she supposed he felt her decision was obvious and she would turn it down. She blurted out she was going to take it and at first he was silent and she could tell by his expression and posture he was seething with anger. She had tried to explain without giving more away than she could that this wasn't the end of her career and she did have a plan and she'd be somewhere that made her happy. She pleaded with him to try and understand. _

_Her brothers had done their best to stick up for her but her dad's final response had been, "You have no idea how disappointed I am Josefina. You're throwing away all that you've accomplished and I love you too much to support that." He had turned away from her and shut his bedroom door with force and Jo's heart sunk to a pit in her stomach. They hadn't had much in the way of anything but smalltalk since. He didn't ask about her job and hadn't visited. The one thing she had spent the majority of her lifetime to achieve ironically was lost the minute she decided to use the skills she had gained along the way to make herself happy._

She was crying now, in one of the few moments in her life she allowed the tears to fall. She had taken the job at a huge price, hoping the payoff would be there. In a way it had been and yet, again she had lost the one person in her life that made all the difference.

* * *

I was going to add more after the break but somehow it feels right ending here. I promise Zane will make an appearance in the next chapter. He's busy making his way to Jo.

I greatly appreciate any reviews. And as always I don't own Eureka or any of it's characters. I'm just borrowing them and it for my own and hopefully others enjoyment.


	3. Chapter 3

Zane zipped through the road, outside of Eureka, weaving the turns with experience. Cool air running across his cheeks, few things in his mind could come this close to flying. He had been contemplating purchasing a car- maybe a something like a tech-ed out Beamer M4 or 6 series convertible, nothing too flashy- maybe even a Jag XK. Although the thought of a Tesla Roadster souped up by Henry would be sweet, it might be a bit much for Eureka. He was thinking for practicality purposes, times like taking a babe on vacation. Or for rescuing one from her troubled thoughts, he sobered as the gravity of the current situation slapped him in the face.

He was fairly sure he could find her frequent spot. He had been there- two occasions actually- though Lupo was none the wiser. It had been a couple years before; he had needed to install some updates on the town's PDA's and when he got to Lupo's he couldn't resist installing one of GD's new invisible-layer tracking stickers under the battery compartment. Well, and lets be honest, under a few other choice people he'd wanted to avoid as well. He wasn't really interested in spying per say, more like insuring probability of not being caught. Something on Lupo's log caught his attention and he couldn't help but be curious about it. He'd mapped out the location and taken a ride there. It had been one of the most breathtaking spots around Eureka- and that was saying a lot for the Pacific Northwest. He could immediately see why someone would be drawn to it; even someone that seemed to him to have a heart of ice.

He had only visited one other time. That time he had for no explainable reason felt drawn to it. He'd gotten a call from his mom that she'd been notified that his dad died. It had been the first time either of them had heard anything about him since he took off when Zane was nine. He was pissed and melancholy at the same time and when he hopped on his bike, Lupo's spot is where he'd ended up. After spending a few hours there doing some heavy reflecting he had left with an odd sense that he owed Lupo something in return for borrowing it and had done his best to stay out of her hair for a couple weeks. Then at some point she had falsely accused him of sabotaging someone's experiment and that had been the end of that.

His GPS alerted him he was within ½ mile and sure enough after the last curve he saw her car. He pulled off to the side of the road and did his best to conceal his bike from the main road, parking it next to a Redwood so he could find it later. He figured he might need to take Jo back and didn't think his bike would be suitable for the trip. Walking ahead towards the hidden path, he made his way through the trees trying his best to make as little noise as possible. If there was one thing he'd learned over the years, you didn't startle Jo Lupo. The consequences could be... painful.

He saw her as he approached the clearing through the Spruce. Her back was facing him and her shoulders appeared hunched. He softly moved towards her and alerted her to his presence with a tentative "Jo".

In an instant she was on her feet, facing him with her pistol drawn. That hadn't surprised him in the least but what made him take notice as he raised both hands in gesture was that her face was damp and her eyes pink and puffy. His heart sank in suspicion.

She relaxed her stance a bit in seeing who it was but with wariness she kept her gun drawn. "Zane. What the hell are you doing here?"

He motioned his hands slightly to alert her they were still up and took a few small steps forward and spoke his words with caution. "Jack and Allison sent me to find you. There's a study you're involved in at GD, something to do with insomnia?" He saw her flinch, he thought from embarrassment. He continued, "Allison wants me to bring you back right away. There's been a lot of complaints of side effects. Depression, flashbacks. She's worried it could become more serious."

She nodded slightly, considering he could be telling the truth. Her eyelids lowered, still suspicious. "How in the hell did you find me?"

He sighed, not looking forward to relinquishing his admission to hacking her privacy. "Quite awhile back I was tracking you, electronically. Just for avoidance purposes." He added as an afterthought. "I noticed this was a place frequented." Her jaw tightened and she definitely appeared pissed. "Jo, can you please lower your gun already? It's making me nervous."

"Maybe you need to be nervous after your little admission." She noticed him raise his eyebrows in response and she sighed, relenting with a muttered, "It's no wonder I used to use my taser so often."

His jaw dropped and he nodded his head in grudging surrender, lowering his arms as he strode the rest of the way over to where she stood. "Why don't we deal with the tracking incident at another time. Right now we need to get you to GD and make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." She stated with assurance.

"Jo, you've been crying. If that doesn't say somethings up with you I don't know what would."

"I wasn't..." Shit, she had been crying when he walked up. Next time, dry first, draw glock second. Better yet, skip crying anywhere that doesn't have a door and a padlock. She avoided his gaze, uncomfortable that she had been seen, by him no less. She didn't want to confirm it but didn't deny it.

He prodded gently, "Was it about us?"

She growled in frustration. "Not that it's any of you business but do have other things in my life to think about than just you." His face fell and she realized he seemed sincere and she might have been a little harsh. "Look, since you seem to know more about me than I know you do... I was crying about my mom." She trailed off at the end and she stared ahead, lost again in whatever memory had caused her sadness.

"I'm sorry Jo." He offered in earnest.

Her eyes shifted to his in surprise. "How did you...?"

"You told me awhile back. You know, well, I guess you _do_ know," he added with purpose. "I grew up without my dad too."

She looked uncomfortable at what he was implying but didn't offer him more. He continued, figuring if she wouldn't open up he'd give it a shot. "We were arguing about something, I can't even remember exactly what it was about. You seemed extra irritable that day for some reason and asked if I could ever just give you a break. I made a usual snide quip." He cleared his throat embarrassed about his words. "A question about you being on the rag or something like that." God she could always give a killer glare. He shifted his feet with unease. "Anyway, I hit a nerve obviously and you blurted out it was the anniversary of your mom's death. I immediately realized what a jackass I was, apologized and told you about my dad. We talked for awhile. We actually got along decently for a week or two until I did some other jackass thing to piss you off. Any of this ringing a bell?" But he knew it wasn't. She didn't have those memories.

"Somehow I don't remember." She responded quietly. Not confirming, not denying because she didn't want to lie but didn't know if she could explain the truth.

He nodded, accepting her non-committed answer. He dropped to her blanket, sitting cross-legged and staring off in the distance. After a moments thought she knelt down as well. Neither spoke for awhile, each considering the gravity of their current situation. Zane was the one to break their thoughts. "Despite what you've been led to believe we actually had a few civil moments I can think of over the years."

Jo was intrigued. "Really?"

"Yeah. We'd somehow end up next to each other in a quiet room or something and we managed to have a few conversations. Then you'd usually give me break, I'd lay off the pranks for awhile and then one of us would slip back into old habits. Then all hell would break loose all over again." He added with a grin.

She laughed, in spite of herself. "Sounds about right."

"Yeah, there was actually a time I thought..." He trailed off, unsure if he wanted to admit it aloud.

"What?" She asked, genuinely interested.

"That we could be friends if things were different." He thought he saw disappointment on her face before he could continue. "Or maybe something more." He added with seriousness.

"You know, that thing you said before about our somewhat agreeable moments; it actually in a way is kind of sounds familiar." She added with a hint of sadness.

"It sounds like we had a lot of sparks." Her expression changed and she seemed to momentarily be lost in a pleasant reflection.

She smiled in agreement but it somehow didn't fully reach her eyes. She met his gaze and said with certainty, "Sparks are definitely something we always had." Her smile widened sweetly and her eyes filled. It wasn't an admission to anything really but he knew the message she was conveying. Their eyes remained locked, both accepting the moment and pondering what it meant for their future.

He thought about kissing her, his tongue had darted out to moisten his lips. But as he leaned in, her posture straightened and she pulled away and stood. "I guess I should get back to GD and lay everyone's concerns to rest."

Disappointed, he nodded in agreement and stood. He helped fold her blanket, each taking opposite corners and creasing in half, then when walking to meet in the center their fingers brushed. Jo again broke the moment and took the other half of the blanket's corners and they trekked back to her car.

As they approached her Subaru, Jo got out her keys and Zane offered, "I'll drive you back."

Jo shook her head and stated, "I already told you I'm fine."

"We don't know that. Dammit, just let me drive." He replied with annoyance.

She raised her brow in challenge and responded with and assured "No."

He smirked and stepped forward, reaching towards her left hand that had grasp of the keys. She pivoted backwards and yanked them back from his reach. He grinned with a nod, accepting the challenge. Stepping into her personal space even closer, she raised an eyebrow and switched them behind her back to the other hand. Amused, his hands rested at her waist and he pressed her body against him. Their faces now inches apart, he tilted his head and leaned in to within an inch of her lips. Her breath caught as he mercilessly teased her. She drew her lips in to moisten with her tongue. With a quick grin that spread across his face, his expression fast became serious and he pressed his lips against her mouth. Despite her will to never let him do this to her again, her mouth responded instantly. She raised a hand to his neck and their kissing intensified, mouths and tongues dancing in a rising blaze. He traced his fingers up her back and just as she let out a soft sigh against his mouth she felt a hand encircle her wrist and he grasped the keys.

She cursed herself for getting so involved that she forgot them and as he smiled against her mouth. She turned her face and he placed a quick kiss on her neck before she could push him away. She tried to resist the huge urge to wipe that damn grin off his face. He laughed and she punched him, hard, in the arm. "Fine, you win for the moment." She conceded as she moved around to the passenger seat. "Drive. And since I'm letting you" she added, "how the hell did you manage to sneak a tracking device somewhere on me and I didn't notice?"

He laughed, amused with her always competitive streak. "Well, I could tell you but..."

Her eyebrows raised in disbelief. "I'd like to see you try Donovan."

She was right of course. He could never win that fight. "Actually, I was going to say, then I'd never get away with doing it again." He quickly ducked into her car.

She shook her head and fought off a grin as she joined him inside. "Like I've said before, irritating."

Amused, he put the car in drive and sped off back to GD.

* * *

Allison studied the first of several analysis reports she had ordered on the medication and the placebo. She had gotten 3 more phone calls and her team had done close to 50 exams today already. Fargo had put a stop to the research and ordered everyone to discontinue continuing use from anything from the study. They were all to be monitored closely for signs of withdrawal.

As she got to the dosage tested in the Adjuvant, her eyes widened as she suddenly understood. Their numbers were wrong. They had been using Benzodiazepines to be activated in the adjuvant. It was supposed to be 3 percent in the solution according to the notes from the previous study they were basing their research on. Only the analysis showed there was 13 percent. Over a 400 percent increase. She did a sharp intake of breath and threw her head back in trepidation. She collected herself and called Jack, warning him that things could potentially get much more serious.

* * *

There was supposed to be more to this but it was getting so long already. I was going to end it with Jo and Zane but wanted to further the plot a little bit more so I added that end snippet.

Thank you so much for the reviews and I appreciate any feedback you can give me. And as always I don't own Eureka or the characters and just use them for my (and hopefully others) amusement.


	4. Chapter 4

As she and Zane arrived in the infirmary, Jo was taken aback by the surrounding chaos. It was as crowded as she ever seen and all over people were scrambling around attending to patients. There were additional beds, all full. All told, the scene looked more like battlefield triage than Allison's orderly domain.

They both jumped as a man she didn't recognize bounced around violently in restraints and cried out in an eerie terror. The scene did nothing to put her mind at ease, but despite that she was feeling oddly relieved that Zane had talked her into coming back to GD.

Allison caught their entrance out of the corner of her eye and made her way over to the both of them. She appeared concerned and overworked to Jo, but a frazzled Allison was a calm and contained average person. Jo envied that a little.

"Jo," she said in greeting, her relief evident. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine, really. Nothing like these people." She answered with her arms crossed as her eyes shifted uneasily around her.

Allison didn't appear convinced. "I take it that Zane explained some of what's going on?"

Jo nodded.

"Let me explain what we've determined so far." Allison put a tentative had out to Jo's shoulder and escorted her off to one side before continuing. "Everyone involved in the study was split into two groups, one with the psychoactive compounds diluted in an adjuvant, while the other group received a placebo. I've now got almost everyone in the psychoactive group complaining of serious side effects. Depression, flashbacks and now even hallucinations. When I got the first set of labs back a couple hours ago I realized that somehow the numbers were miscalculated and the medication dosage in the adjuvant has over a four-hundred percent increase."

"Four-hundred percent?" Zane shook his head incredulously. "That's an insane miscalculation."

Jo's eyes widened as she registered the magnitude of the discrepancy. "How could the numbers be so wrong? Was this intentional?" she asked.

"That's something we're looking into, no results on that yet." Allison's frustration was palpable.

"Okay, well I'll need the list of everyone involved in this study as soon as possible. If there's any foul play involved, my team and I—"

"Jo..." Allison interrupted. She looked uncomfortable, perhaps even a little scared. Finally she said, "You're part of the test group, you're not a control subject."

Jo glanced to both Zane and Allison, hoping the doctor wasn't suggesting what she thought she might be. "So, all the more reason I need to get to the bottom of this quickly." Her jaw clenched.

"Unfortunately, it's going to have to be someone else working on it," Allison said. It was calm, but there was no mistaking the steel in it.

Jo shook her head in disagreement. "I already told you I feel fine, and—"

"—And I'm relieved you haven't noticed anything. Unfortunately there are other side-effects that I'm concerned about. Some of them may be long term."

"Like?"

"Possible personality shifts, extreme fatigue, potential cognitive impairment and memory loss. At this dosage level the consequences could be severe, even potentially suicidal thought or action." She paused, apparently to make the point, then continued seriously. "We have some other concerns as well."

"As if that's not enough?" Jo's blurted. She struggled to keep an uncharacteristic hysteria she was feeling under control. Hadn't she been dealt enough?

"I'm sorry, Jo," Allison said with sincerity. "We're discontinuing use of all current medications. Unfortunately, they can have withdrawal symptoms and we're worried some of them might become pronounced during the process of weaning it out of your system."

Jo's confidence began to crumble and Zane frowned. "Aren't there any medications we can give to counter-effect what's already been given? What about an antidote?" He questioned, looking troubled as he glanced towards Jo.

"Yes, there is a reversal agent called Flumazenil that's occasionally used for overdose patients. But it carries many risks that can be dangerous as well and I don't want to add to our already long list of things we're treating."

Jo began pacing the floor. "So basically I could go insane with this withdrawal process and you're not going to even let me find the cause."

She noticed Zane and Allison trade a concerned glance from the corner of her eye as she struggled to not completely dismantle in front of them. She felt shaky and was definitely moving closer to a panic. She reminder herself that they were trying to help. Of course they were. They were her friends. Weren't they?

Zane stepped into her, placing hands on her arms and lowered his head to get eye contact. "Hey, it's going to be okay." She wasn't convinced but forced herself to remain still. She turned to Allison and Zane placed a hand on the small of her back. It felt nice.

"Jo," Allison said fiercely, "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that we get you back to normal as fast as we can. We're going to transfer you to a low-dose pill form of Diazepam which has a longer half-life so you won't be taking as much. We'll gradually reduce that as much as we can so that you'll have fewer side-effects."

Jo nodded. Zane took in a deep breath through his nose. She could feel his relief through the contact, and it helped her find some of her own. They had a plan, at least.

"I've already arranged with Fargo for you to have limited responsibilities while we're weaning you off of it," Allison continued. "For the time being I'll do an exam and then we'll keep monitoring you."

Allison motioned towards a free exam bed and led Jo over; placing a privacy shield between her and the next patient. Zane tried to follow, but both women gave him pointed looks.

He raised his hands in mock surrender. "I can take a hint. I'll just go grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria." He paused, looking at Jo. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm not hungry." Jo met his eyes, remembering how much he'd been there for her today added, "thank you."

Zane's nodded and looked to Allison. "Dr. Blake?"

"I'm fine, thank you Zane."

"Not a problem. I'll be back to check on you in a little bit." He stole one last glance to Jo and left, offering to her what looked like reassurance but she could tell that he was more worried than he wanted to let on.

*EUREKA*EUREKA*EUREKA*

Zane ordered a veggie sandwich with an iced tea in the cafeteria and sat to eat, giving Doctor Blake plenty of time to look Jo over. He couldn't get the picture of her frightened face out of his mind. It was the only time he could ever remember seeing her look that way. He was pissed at GD and their experiments and whoever the hell fucked this up. He had done his share of goofing off and making mistakes but when it came to something you were putting in someone's body, you'd better be damn sure you got it right. And if this was intentional... He wasn't generally one to resort to fighting. He was the type that could always outsmart or out-snark his opponents, but if someone had intentionally did this to Jo he might just have to pound the hell out of them. And then make them pay sabotage-by-sabotage.

Irony. A few months ago he would've been the one out to get Jo, and now he was reacting so protectively. Would he have ever put her life in danger? Not intentionally, he thought. He just aimed to make that life a little more aggravating. And now he couldn't get over how he felt seeing her hurt. He considered her a friend, which wasn't something he would say about many. He didn't know what else was between them but he hoped whatever was going on wasn't going to end it before it got a chance to even start. He needed to figure out if this was more than just attraction to her body, her secrets and the once forbidden or if it was developing into much more.

He picked her up something to eat and drink in case she changed her mind and set off to ask one of his lab-mates if he and his girlfriend could go pick up his bike so he'd be freed up to focus on Jo. He didn't want to leave her alone if she was staying at GD and wanted to be able to drive her home and help with anything she needed if she was able to get out of the infirmary. He wasn't sure how she'd take to the help but he didn't care. This time he wasn't going to let her push him away so easily.

*EUREKA*EUREKA*EUREKA*

Allison checked Jo's vital signs, scanned her blood and her organs. "Everything looks okay. Your organs aren't affected but there is still a substantial amount of medication in your system. I'll have you start the dosage of the Diazepam this evening." She then connected her to GD's system using a wireless body sensor attached to her neck. Jo recalled the one she'd stuck to Carter for his 'physical' years ago. "This will keep track of you vitals, blood, and organs for the next couple weeks so you won't be chained to a bed. Now on to your emotional health. You said you were fine but are you sure you haven't been experiencing anything unusual? No depression, anxiety, unexpected stress?"

Jo was silent for a moment. She had been troubled by thoughts of the past a lot lately but she thought it was understandable with everything that had happened. She'd been unusually anxious but she thought that had to do with Zane and all his recent questions. As far as depression... "Look Allison, I suppose you could say I've experienced some of those things. I think with the...," she lowered her voice and Allison crossed her arms and shifted her eyes as she looked to see if anyone nearby was listening. Jo continued, "...current circumstances, a lot of those feelings aren't out of the ordinary. And depression, if I'm being honest I've battled that several times in my life and it's not a problem for me. I was raised that if you let things get you down they've won and they'll consume you. You rise above them and use your strength. I'm not the kind of person to sit around moping."

Allison sighed. "Jo, you're an incredibly strong woman and I love that. But depression isn't something you have total control over. It's not a choice. I'm glad if you are doing things to help yourself but lately I've noticed something different about you. It's like you're just going through the motions." Jo cleared her throat and became uncomfortable. Allison added gently. "Look, I certainly hope I'm wrong and you can tell me if I am. I'm just worried you've lost something because of this medication. Do you feel things like hope, desire, or joy anymore?"

Jo swallowed what felt like a lump in her throat. "I might be struggling a little with that." She admitted quietly.

"Well Jo, there's no shame in that." Allison said with reassurance.

Jo nodded with a little bit of sadness.

"Honestly, your side-effects are on the lower end of the scale of what we've seen today. I would imagine your great health and metabolism made it burn from your system that much faster. That's got to play a role in your recovery."

"I hope you're right. So, what's next? And how long are we talking before I can get back to work?" Looking around Jo couldn't wait to get out of there. With all of the melancholy faces surrounding her and the news that she couldn't do anything about it, her mood was going to go downhill fast.

"What I'd like is for you to stay here overnight to be monitored." Jo's faced tensed with discontent and Allison continued cautiously, "but, if you agree to have someone stay with you overnight and call me the _minute_ you experience any changes", she added with warning, "I will call in a prescription for your medication and let you go home for the night."

Jo sighed, not thrilled with her terms. "Fine. Now I just have to figure out who."

"I'd offer Jack to you but he's probably going to be pretty busy with you being down."

At that the doors slid closed and Carter walked up to them. "What am I getting offered out for? And how are you feeling Jo?" he inquired with concern.

"Besides hearing I'll soon be insane? I'm just great." Jo blurted sarcastically. Carter raised an eyebrow and nodded, looking at Allison nervously.

"Jo needs someone to stay with her tonight to monitor any changes. I figured you'd have a lot of work on your hands, so we were considering options."

"Ah. What about Henry and Grace? Fargo?"

"I don't want to intrude on them. And Fargo? I like the guy but I don't think I can handle him right now." She turned to Allison with pleading eyes. "Can't I just be alone? I'll call the minute anything changes."

With a shake of her head she responded. "Jo, I've made the same stipulations to everyone else. I want to make sure if things change quickly there will be someone to call for help. What about...?", She paused, looking towards the doors as Zane sauntered up to them, a bottle of water and a bag from the cafeteria in hand.

"Hey, I brought you a sandwich and some water just in case," He said, handing it to Jo. "So, how is everything?" He asked, looking to Allison.

"I'll let Jo fill you in on the details. She's free to go if she can find someone to stay with her overnight," she said, turning to face him. From there she didn't see Jo motion her to silence, nor Jo's reluctant sag back onto the bed as the words spilled out.

"I could do it." All eyes turned to him in surprise. "What? I don't have any plans tonight other than picking up my bike. And I've already arranged for someone to do that so it's not a problem." He grinned widely at Jo.

Carter and Allison looked to her. "Jo, is that okay with you?" Carter asked, struggling hard, and failing, to suppress a grin of amusement.

She looked back and forth from them to Zane who had an insufferable glint of satisfaction. Having a feeling she would regret it but figuring it was the least of all evils she resigned herself. She frowned then glanced his way and sighed. "I guess my options are rather limited." She grabbed her coat and made her way towards the door.

"You coming?" she bit out as she passed.

He watched her walk away. "Absolutely," he murmured. With a nod to Carter and Allison he quickly moved to catch up. As they walked away she could almost be certain he would be unable to resist the opportunity to ogle her ass. She glanced back quickly and sure enough his eyes darted forward. He grinned and met her eyes. What had she gotten herself into?

*EUREKA*EUREKA*EUREKA*

Allison quickly followed after them, trying to get past all the chaotic noise currently going on in the room. She yelled to them, "Call me immediately if something changes. And keep a close eye on her!"

"You can count on it," Zane called back.

"You sure this is a good idea?" Carter asked, appearing at her side with skepticism.

"Jo going home? No." She said worriedly and then a soft smile formed on her lips and she added, "Sending her to get some alone time with Zane? Maybe."

Carter eyed her. Allison? A Matchmaker? Nah. He led her out of the noisy infirmary into the hallway and drew her in for a hug. She exhaled, trying to let go of some of the day's events as she melted in his arms. He planted a kiss on the top of her head.

Worry etching itself on her expression again, she admitted, "I just hope she's as doing as well as she says she is."

He traced her face with his eyes and leaned down and kissed her tenderly. "Are _you_ doing okay?"

She smiled, looking grateful for his comfort before her face fell serious again. "Yes. I'm just trying to figure out how this could have happened."

He furrowed his brow, pulling back from her as his thoughts turned solemn. "Do you think it could have been deliberate?"

"I'd hate to think that but I'm not convinced otherwise. I've been meaning to question Dr. English, he was who was heading up the trial. I'm just so swamped I haven't been able to get around to it."

"I think I'll pay a visit to this Doctor English and see what he knows." He stated conspiratorially. "Then afterward I'll meet you at your place?" He rested a hand gently on her arm.

She nodded. "Thanks Jack." She said with an appreciative smile.

"I'd do anything for you Allie," he said, grinning, but then turned serious and let some of his old cop voice back out. "Although I have to admit it's not entirely for your benefit. If someone did this to Jo... I'm going to do everything in my power to get to the bottom of it."

* * *

_A/N's: This was **way** overdue and for that I apologize. This chapter had been mostly written for some time but I was struggling with it so I put it aside for a bit._

_Thank you to ZeroGain for beta'ing this chapter and helping me find Allison's voice._

_Of course I don't own Eureka and only like to pretend I'm a fly on the wall there. Thank you so much for the reviews and subscribes. I appreciate them so much._


End file.
